Discordant

Unmoving discordant tones
Echoing reverberations inside
A hollowed self
Absent of those decadent feelings of self love that the world works so hard to pry from you.
Compounded by sounds that beg you to understand that you just don’t suffice.
The world over
They pity you, you’re certain of it.
Every gaze.
Every imagined slight was made with the purpose to remind you that you will never be enough.
The constant fear
Creates illusions
Veils your eyes
Assuring you with their incessant anxieties
That those around you aren’t worth trust.
All are deceivers.
All conspirators.
The world against you.
All ready and preparing
To leave.

Selfish and irredeemable

After each woman
Leaves
I am better.
Harder.
Colder.
It sounds cliché.
Because, it is.
C.S. Lewis be damned.
I want irredeemable.
I need a casket of selfishness.
After giving away a piece of myself to each of them,
Never failing,
I grow my tail back.
I gave them just enough of me
To save my entire body,
My soul,
My life.
Let them keep what they got.
They can find sustenance on what I gave up
To them.
After each woman I learn to be happy alone.
I rely on it more after each perfect smile
Eventually,
Never failing,
Turns to disgust.
It’s not a thing I lament anymore.

Overcoming fear

That was when I knew
That my desire to see her
To touch
Her
Was far greater than any fear I had concerning our future.
My want and longing to be near her side was enormous
Compared to the worries I felt about what may happen.
I’ll see her soon.
That is my solace.
It may end tonight. But I will worry not.
I was happy for a moment.
For a moment.
I was not
Alone.

Pallor

Words were all that you brought to this battle.
They were more than enough to render me low, to stop my heart’s beat.
Honestly, your gaze sufficed to cause my breath to leave me
That night.
Our last kiss was anything but sweet.
I felt your inflamed heart die as my lips left yours.
I never knew your pallor
Really meant just how dead you could be.